Write Words

When writing your story you must draw others into it. They are real people in your life. Real people with feelings, reputations and perhaps a different memory of the events and relationships you describe in your piece.

 

Legally, you can tell the story if it’s the truth and your intention is not to slander the other person. I’m assuming those reading this won’t have legal issues but ethical issues might arise. I usually get four questions surrounding this topic:

 

How much should I tell? I say tell what is necessary for the story. For example, I can tell my readers that my uncle has a legal history. I might say he’s been arrested five times, but I don’t need to give explicit details on each arrest. I can say the crimes were white collar, but I don’t need to give the name of the bank he embezzled from. The point of mentioning this is so my readers will understand that my family has a history of incarceration. I only need to give enough information to show this and then move the story along.

 

What if what I write hurts someone close to me? This may happen and you have to go back to your purpose for writing the story. If my uncle was bothered to the point of not wanting to speak to me again, I might take his name out. But when you’re talking about a spouse or sibling or parent, you might not have that option. You have to decide what you’re comfortable with. I would caution against taking something out just because someone doesn’t like it.

 

Most of you know my childhood was not a great one. I couldn’t tell my story without talking about my parents’ role in my upbringing. In Dear Son, I told the truth but I didn’t tell the whole truth. Again, the point was to tell only what was necessary. But if I hadn’t told about my parents relationship, the story wouldn’t make sense because if would be incomplete.

 

Is this request reasonable? Your words may hurt others. I know people who completely watered down their story to avoid hurting family. Readers know when a writer does that and it makes the story flat, boring and inauthentic.

 

I know one writer who wrote under a false name because her sons didn’t want to be identified. That is an option, but now so many publishers want writers who are willing to speak on the subject they write about. Writing under a pseudonym will limit your marketing platform and may scare potential publishers away.

 

I know still another writer who decided to not finish her book because her mother and sister were so upset by what she wrote. Her story was true but the relatives didn’t like the way the author portrayed the mother. They were not willing to compromise with the writer – they didn’t want the story told. Too bad, because countless readers could have benefited from her triumph over tragedy.

 

In my opinion, all of these writers made the wrong decision. Their relatives’ requests were unreasonable.

 

Should I let them read and approve of it before I publish it? I let my husband read my books before I send them out. He gets the final approval on my work. I wondered if he wanted me to write under an assumed name because my promiscuous past is included in Dear Son. Reading those words hurt him, but not so much that he was unsure of who I am now and where our relationship is today. He understood that the person in that book was the old me. The new me loves and respects him too much. He also understood that people might read my words and come to terms with their own checkered pasts. He gave the thumbs up on the information and using my real name.

 

Every writer should have at least one person they can use to run these things by. Make it someone who is close to you, secure in their relationship with you and respects you and the story you want to tell.

 

Remember the most important character is you, which will come through in the writing. The truth is you’re the character people will remember and relate to most in your story. It’s also true that most people who read your memoir will not know the identity of the other characters in your writing.

 

It’s a tough topic and there are no easy answers. In the end, you must follow your own heart and your own moral compass and tell your own story.

 

Happy writing,

 

Angela Dion

Dion Communications, LLC

The right words at the right time.

PO Box 21, White Plains, MD 20695-0021

301-645-9427

angela@dioncommunications.com

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Angela Dion is the owner of Dion Communications, LLC. To subscribe to her free e-magazine Write Words and get the free 9 page booklet, Write Killer Queries, go to http://www.dioncommunications.com./newsletter/?p=subscribe. This article may be reprinted freely as long as the entire article and bio are included.