Posts Tagged how to confront racism
Confronting Racist Comments at Work
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, How to talk about race, Racism/Discrimination, Stereotypes on June 16th, 2010
I’ve been on my new job for two weeks now and I’ve already heard several coworkers make (what I perceive to be) racist statements. In each case a black woman made the comment. Not that white people, other minorities and men don’t make questionable comments, it’s just I think you’re more likely to hear them from people who look like you and think you might agree with them.
In most cases the comment was something in the neighborhood of, “You know how white people are?” My answer, “No, what do you mean?” Obviously (even though I have pictures in my office) they didn’t realize I’m married to a white man. They continue with something like, “They are ‘crazy’ about their kids…They never want to see ‘us’ in management…They want to take all the credit.”
I look incredulous and say something like, “My experience has been different…
…I’m ‘crazy’ when it comes to my kid too – don’t you think that’s a universal thing more than a race thing?
…I know people of all races who support diversity in management – I think it’s more about character and fairness and maybe even fear, than about racism, what do you think?
…I once had an African American supervisor who was the same way – supervisors of all races can take credit for your work, don’t you think?”
My strategy: I confront by stating my experience. It’s hard to argue with someone else’s experience. I end with a question. These questions either get a nod of approval (or dismissal) or start a wonderful conversation. Somewhere in the conversation I try to talk about the variety of people I’ve met of all races and the variety of experiences I’ve had with all races.
I’m the new person on the job. I am already getting a reputation as one who doesn’t usually let those comments slide. Is it uncomfortable? Sometimes. Does is make me stand out? Yes. Does it maybe change the way people approach me? Definitely. Do I mind? No, I welcome these opportunities for dialogue.
Do I confront every instance? No. One coworker talked about a client’s biracial children saying, “You know how beautiful they are?” I chose not to respond. I wasn’t in the mood that day – contrary to popular belief I’m not always in the mood to talk about race. I filed the remark in my mind though because I want to speak to this coworker about our concepts of beauty and how it influences young, dark-skinned black girls. Another day. Another conversation. Another opportunity to change the world one conversation at a time.
So, what about you? How do you handle (do you) racist comments at work? Would you feel comfortable doing what I did? Let’s talk….
For more ideas on how to talk about race, order the book.
Reaching Out and Looking In - the key to starting a race discussion
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, How to talk about race on May 3rd, 2010
A while ago a good friend cautioned me that I should probably call the police on my new neighbors, a group of Mexican men who liked to drink beer and listen to loud music in the back yard. I wouldn’t have given her suggestion a second thought except that she didn’t suggest I report them for their music and drinking but because they didn’t speak English well and worked on a nearby military base.
I confronted her about the racism and prejudice in her comment. She argued that we live in a time when we cannot be too careful with foreigners. Later when I asked if she’d be interested in having some targeted discussions about race, she responded, “Oh, I don’t think we need that. I see everyone as the same and there wouldn’t be anything to talk about.”
I’m not sure if my friend was in denial or afraid. Regardless, she was not ready to reach out and have the conversation. And race conversations can’t begin without a willingness to reach out and look in.
My friend had not reached this first stage in the process. She’s still my friend, but we cannot go deeper until she’s at least open to a conversation.
What about you? Are you ready? Reading this post is evidence that you want to reach out. I understand that willingness doesn’t necessarily mean comfortableness, but openness to participating despite the uneasiness.
So what do you say? Invite a friend or two over and start the discussion. Not everyone you invite in will be ready but I promise those who do (and you) will benefit from the process. Be willing to look in and examine some of your own stuff and believe me - we all have stuff.
What should you talk about? Start with what you think of my friend’s comments. How about watching a movie like Crash and having a discussion after? It doesn’t have to be formal, just a few friends having an honest conversation.
If you want to go even deeper my book is a workbook that offers ten weeks of targeted discussion material. Go for it and let me know how it goes.
My friend wasn’t ready, but I hope you are. (By the way, I ended up befriending the Mexican neighbors and having a beer with them.) Will you reach out and look in? Why or why not? Let’s talk…
Would you confront blatant racism?
Posted by admin in Have we overcome?, Interracial relationships, Media, Racism/Discrimination, Stereotypes, Videos, You've Got to Be Kidding on August 26th, 2009
“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing,” is a famous quote from Edmund Burke.
So, what do most people do if they see racism in action? ABC News did a series of experiments to test that question. This video, “Shopping While Black,” reports that 60% of African Americans, including me, have experienced this. I noted in this video that people of color were more likely to react. But the most attention-grabbing incident for me was the woman who burst into tears when she spoke with the sales clerk. She genuinely seemed shocked that people would react this way. “I’m so glad this isn’t real,” she sobs. I wonder, does she believe this isn’t real? As someone who’s dealt with “shopping while black,” bigotry, I beg to differ.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H5rSKECZys
This second clip shows a store clerk discriminating against a Muslim.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQQRVnK6PDM
I’m thrilled that more people stood up to the racist than didn’t here. The real concern for me though, is that most people did nothing.
Is the Burke quote above true? Are we too afraid to stand up to racism? Do we bury our heads and claim it doesn’t exist? Do we discount all claims as unfounded or oversensitive? What do we do, besides nothing? Looking forward to your comments. Let’s talk…
Find more videos of the ABC experiments at http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=search_playlists&search_query=ABC+news+racism+in+America&uni=1
Help! My Relative is a Racist
Posted by admin in How to talk about race, Racism/Discrimination, Videos on November 21st, 2009
How do you respond to racist relatives?
Cousin Virgil complains about “the man always trying to keep a brother down.” Aunt Betty relays the story of why she’s afraid of the Puerto Ricans at the mall. Father-in-law warns those Muslims cannot be trusted. Sound familiar?
With the holidays approaching we all may hear some inappropriate comments around the Thanksgiving table. Short of avoiding the family time all together, how do you handle these side ways comments? I have three suggestions.
First, you can ignore them. It may surprise you to hear that sometimes I think that’s a viable option. I have a relative who (no matter how much correcting, coercing and complaining I’ve done over the past twenty years) continues to make racist comments. I don’t know what else to say or do. I keep my sanity by opting to ignore it. I leave the room, I take a long swig of my water (or wine) or I change the subject.
Sometimes you may not want to ignore the racist comments for fear that the speaker and everyone else may think you agree with them. I would say confront them unless one of three conditions exists. First, don’t confront a drunk relative – in fact, never try to reason with someone who is under the influence.
Second, don’t confront a relative who has been (or should have been) ordered to anger management classes – never try to reason with someone with rage issues.
And the third case not to confront is if the speaker is someone you see more often than once a year, a close relative – never confront someone in public if a private conversation is more appropriate for the relationship. Maybe on the ride home or next week over lunch you could say, “Mom, Thanksgiving dinner was awesome. One thing that surprised me was your comments about Native Americans. Where did that come from?”
A second alternative when a relative makes a racist comment is to call them out as a racist. In my opinion this is a terrible idea. Labeling someone a racist is a surefire way to start an unfruitful argument. This video explains it better than I can. I apologize in advance that he talks so fast but I think he makes an excellent point about why proclaiming that someone is a racist doesn’t work.
Doesn’t that make sense? The final response to a racist comment is to confront it. For example:
“Virgil, your boss might not be a great guy, but I don’t like it when you talk about him like he’s out to get you just because he’s white. What specifically is happening at work?”
“Aunt Betty I am offended that you’re afraid just because they are Puerto Ricans. What leads you to feel this way?”
You can even bring the entire family into the discussion, “I don’t think that’s true. What do you guys think? Should we mistrust every Muslim?”
Notice every one of these “confrontations” begins with an “I” statement and ends with a question. What’s the point? Not to anger or bully your relatives into changing, but to engage in a safe, honest and purposeful discussion? (Hey, that sounds like the subtitle to a book I wrote).
Remember, these are your relatives. You can honestly express how you feel about something they say. If they don’t like it, they will (probably) still love you. For the more extreme and colorful family members you tend to avoid, be thankful that you only have to encounter them a few times a year. And who knows, something you say may lead to a change in the way your relatives speak and feel about other races. Now that’s something to be thankful for.
So, are you expecting to hear racist comments this Thanksgiving? What do you think of my three options? Do you agree that sometimes you just need to ignore it? Do you have a relative who makes inappropriate/racist comments? Will you confront them this year? Why or why not? Let’s talk…
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how to confront racism, how to handle racist comments, racist relatives, what to say to a racist
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