I’ve been on my new job for two weeks now and I’ve already heard several coworkers make (what I perceive to be) racist statements. In each case a black woman made the comment. Not that white people, other minorities and men don’t make questionable comments, it’s just I think you’re more likely to hear them from people who look like you and think you might agree with them.

In most cases the comment was something in the neighborhood of, “You know how white people are?” My answer, “No, what do you mean?” Obviously (even though I have pictures in my office) they didn’t realize I’m married to a white man. They continue with something like, “They are ‘crazy’ about their kids…They never want to see ‘us’ in management…They want to take all the credit.”

I look incredulous and say something like, “My experience has been different…

…I’m ‘crazy’ when it comes to my kid too – don’t you think that’s a universal thing more than a race thing?

…I know people of all races who support diversity in management – I think it’s more about character and fairness and maybe even fear, than about racism, what do you think?

…I once had an African American supervisor who was the same way – supervisors of all races can take credit for your work, don’t you think?”

My strategy: I confront by stating my experience. It’s hard to argue with someone else’s experience. I end with a question. These questions either get a nod of approval (or dismissal) or start a wonderful conversation. Somewhere in the conversation I try to talk about the variety of people I’ve met of all races and the variety of experiences I’ve had with all races.

I’m the new person on the job. I am already getting a reputation as one who doesn’t usually let those comments slide. Is it uncomfortable? Sometimes. Does is make me stand out? Yes. Does it maybe change the way people approach me? Definitely. Do I mind? No, I welcome these opportunities for dialogue.

Do I confront every instance? No. One coworker talked about a client’s biracial children saying, “You know how beautiful they are?” I chose not to respond. I wasn’t in the mood that day – contrary to popular belief I’m not always in the mood to talk about race. I filed the remark in my mind though because I want to speak to this coworker about our concepts of beauty and how it influences young, dark-skinned black girls. Another day. Another conversation. Another opportunity to change the world one conversation at a time.

So, what about you? How do you handle (do you) racist comments at work? Would you feel comfortable doing what I did? Let’s talk….

For more ideas on how to talk about race, order the book.

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