White Brain/Black Brain
Posted by admin in Interracial relationships, Stereotypes, Stuff White People Like, You've Got to Be Kidding on July 28th, 2010
My 19 year-old and his friend decided to do an overnight kayaking trip along the Potomac River. I thought this was an insane idea. My husband said, “that sounds cool.” Now aside from the ordinary Mars/Venus differences a friend pointed out to me that my son was utilizing the “white side” of his brain.
She’s convinced that a 100% black child would not think it was “cool” to go out on the water in a small craft at night. To prove it she asked, “Have you ever heard of Ray Ray and June Bug and ‘em going kayaking?” I laughed. It’s okay if you laughed (sometimes we’re way to serious about this stuff). And yes, my husband laughed when I relayed the conversation to him. And my 19-year-old laughed too. Okay, done laughing. But, of course, this got me thinking.
Pondering what exactly that means white brain/black brain. This conversation with my friend occurred soon after reading and communicating with Richard Morris, the white novelist who wrote his book from a black man’s perspective. Read that post here.
Just as my husband’s left handed brain sees things differently, does my “black brain” have the same proclivity? Well, yes. Besides the kayaking, here’s another example.
Several weeks ago two police cars parked outside of our house. The officers remained seated in their vehicles. I thought, “What is going on? What are they doing outside my house?” With no conscious thought, I experienced feelings of nervousness, uneasiness, and I couldn’t think of a positive reason they might be there. I knew I wasn’t breaking the law but I wasn’t convinced that they knew. I even considered they’d made a mistake and had the wrong house, thought they might be planning a raid on my residence.
In contrast, Marc felt safe, secure, even comfortable with two officers parked outside. He didn’t wonder why they were there and didn’t assume they were looking for him. He went out and said hello to them. Turns out they did have the wrong house – looking for a former neighbor.
We reacted with our stereotypical black brain/white brain biases towards law enforcement.
Another example of this white brain/black brain involves a community organization I belonged to. We are a racially diverse group and have honest conversations about race as well as other issues. When discussing what punishment a convicted murderer (a young black man killed another young black man) might warrant, I noticed a racial divide in the responses. All of the white people expressed a strong sense of tough justice – they should lock him up and throw away the key; they each identified more with the victim. Every minority felt the murderer (eighteen years old) deserved a second chance, a lighter sentence, could be rehabilitated. Interesting.
I wonder if our goal should be to try to convince someone of another brain to think the way we do. Maybe instead, we should try to see the world through their eyes. Try to go through a day left handed, living on Mars or looking through a different colored filter. I wonder. Let’s talk…
White Author Pens Novel from Black Man’s Perspective
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, Current Events, How to talk about race, Literature on July 21st, 2010
So when might Write Words and Let’s talk about Race collide? How about when a white man writes a novel from a black man’s perspective. Richard Morris did just that in Well Considered. Here’s what he had to say about how and why he came to write the book. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
In writing Well Considered, how could I, a white man, hope to get into the mind and soul of a black man and describe how he thinks and feels? And how could I do the same with my other black characters? Isn’t that invasive and presumptuous?
Still, I had to try. My story revolves around a black man, Ron Watkins, and his neighbors, some of whom are white. I did not just want to just look at them from a distance—I wanted to see them from within.
Writing Well Considered was a challenge for me—a test to see if I really could understand the thoughts and feelings of people on the other side of the racial divide. In doing so, I had to pay close attention to what my African-American friends and acquaintances said, some of whom were friends in my small book discussion group. So I listened when they said, “Oh, we don’t do that,” referring to asking what someone does for a living as a means of getting acquainted. Their openers would revolve around, “where are you from?” “And we would never say…” this and that. Their comments were generalizations of course. People are individuals and cannot all be lumped together.
But there are cultural threads tying people together. My delving into the hearts and characters of black people had to be based on black history—slavery, Jim Crow, segregation, persecution by whites, powerlessness, and the endless distancing of whites from blacks through white flight and by simply turning each one into an “Invisible Man.”
In Well Considered, I also had to describe a mix of white characters with disparate beliefs—from white supremacist segregationists to liberal integrationists. I needed all of them to tell the story. And I could not shy away from my task. Literature should not be segregated into books for whites written by whites and books by blacks for blacks, and further subdivided into all the other races, nationalities, and religions. Can no writers see how people different from themselves think and act? Of course they can. Some do it better than others.
I did not know how well I could do. But I decided in writing Well Considered that I would just do the best I could and let readers judge for themselves the veracity of my characters. This week I was delighted to find that at least one reviewer, Robert Fleming from AALBC, an African-American literary website (http://aalbc.com/reviews/well_considered.html), found my effort successful. Fleming says, “Some critics have often said white authors cannot capture the soul and passion of African American characters, but that is not the case with Richard Morris’s aptly titled novel of race, hate, eugenics, and violence.”
Now it is time for you to judge it.
Posted with permission from Richard Morris: http://richardmorrisauthor.wordpress.com/2010/07/10/into-the-mind/
So, what do you think? Can a white man accurately depict the thoughts and feelings of a black man? Would you consider this perspective valid? Do you feel this is “invasive and presumptuous”? For my writer friends, share how you’ve written from perspectives different from your own. Let’s talk…
Little Rock Nine Remembered
Posted by admin in Hatred, History, Racism/Discrimination, Videos, segregation on July 7th, 2010
Sorry if this is hard to watch but sometimes I want to revisit this part of our history. I watched in horror, sad, afraid, disappointed, but in the end I feel overwhelmingly thankful for where we are today. I don’t want to remember to illicit bitterness. I want to remember to stay grateful.
What emotions did this evoke in you? Big question – is forced integration a good thing in all circumstances? Let’s talk…
Call for Submissions
Posted by admin in How to talk about race, Media on June 30th, 2010
Let’s Talk about Race is seeking submissions. Send me your articles, book reviews, resources, opinion pieces, poetry, book excerpts, videos, etc. that will spark discussion about race. I don’t mind controversy, opinion, whimsy, just nothing profane please. Also, if you have a previously published book excerpt, blog or article about race, we take reprints.
Simply send your submission (try to keep it around 500 words) to angela@dioncommunications.com. End your piece with a few questions that will get people talking. Add your bio and photo (feel free to plug your blog, book, web site, products, etc.). I’ll contact you when/if I use your post.
I’m so thankful for the support and encouragement I get from my readers. You give me the strength and willingness to continue my mission of promoting racial unity in families, businesses, churches and communities.
Let’s Talk about Race in the news…
Marc and I are speaking about “No More Segregated Sunday” at First Baptist Church of Accokeek on July 11th at 11 am service. www.fbcoa.org
I did two radio interviews in the past month. One on Sky High Radio about church segregation and the other with Lake Enterprises about the film “Good Hair.” http://www.blogtalkradio.com/deborahelake/2010/05/07/good-hair
My article “Act it Out” was accepted in Teaching Tolerance magazine; it will appear this fall www.tolerance.org
I am currently completing an interview for EVERYTHING Interracial and Intercultural Group (EIRIC™) (www.everythingiric.com) which should post in the next month or so.
PG Gazette article http://www.gazette.net/stories/05272010/entepri142358_32553.php
Maryland Independent article
The highest compliment you can give is to recommend Let’s Talk about Race to a friend. I appreciate your referrals.
Buy the book. http://booklocker.com/books/4289.html
Read the blog. www.letstalkaboutrace.net
Hire a speaker. http://dioncommunications.com/blog/?page_id=231
Interview a race expert. http://dioncommunications.com/blog/?page_id=331
Confronting Racist Comments at Work
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, How to talk about race, Racism/Discrimination, Stereotypes on June 16th, 2010
I’ve been on my new job for two weeks now and I’ve already heard several coworkers make (what I perceive to be) racist statements. In each case a black woman made the comment. Not that white people, other minorities and men don’t make questionable comments, it’s just I think you’re more likely to hear them from people who look like you and think you might agree with them.
In most cases the comment was something in the neighborhood of, “You know how white people are?” My answer, “No, what do you mean?” Obviously (even though I have pictures in my office) they didn’t realize I’m married to a white man. They continue with something like, “They are ‘crazy’ about their kids…They never want to see ‘us’ in management…They want to take all the credit.”
I look incredulous and say something like, “My experience has been different…
…I’m ‘crazy’ when it comes to my kid too – don’t you think that’s a universal thing more than a race thing?
…I know people of all races who support diversity in management – I think it’s more about character and fairness and maybe even fear, than about racism, what do you think?
…I once had an African American supervisor who was the same way – supervisors of all races can take credit for your work, don’t you think?”
My strategy: I confront by stating my experience. It’s hard to argue with someone else’s experience. I end with a question. These questions either get a nod of approval (or dismissal) or start a wonderful conversation. Somewhere in the conversation I try to talk about the variety of people I’ve met of all races and the variety of experiences I’ve had with all races.
I’m the new person on the job. I am already getting a reputation as one who doesn’t usually let those comments slide. Is it uncomfortable? Sometimes. Does is make me stand out? Yes. Does it maybe change the way people approach me? Definitely. Do I mind? No, I welcome these opportunities for dialogue.
Do I confront every instance? No. One coworker talked about a client’s biracial children saying, “You know how beautiful they are?” I chose not to respond. I wasn’t in the mood that day – contrary to popular belief I’m not always in the mood to talk about race. I filed the remark in my mind though because I want to speak to this coworker about our concepts of beauty and how it influences young, dark-skinned black girls. Another day. Another conversation. Another opportunity to change the world one conversation at a time.
So, what about you? How do you handle (do you) racist comments at work? Would you feel comfortable doing what I did? Let’s talk….
For more ideas on how to talk about race, order the book.
Interracial Marriage: Past, Present and Future Part 2
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, Interracial relationships, Media, Stereotypes on May 31st, 2010
Okay, this video is funny and certainly fits in with the interracial marriage theme I’m concentrating on in honor of our 22 wedding anniversary. I think it’s interesting that some black women feel so strongly about black men dating outside their race. Sorry, but this woman does seem a little angry and I’m not sure she’d be fun on a date.
Questions to ponder: Is it okay to be exclusive in the race you date? Do you feel differently about a white woman saying she’ll only date black men than a black woman saying she’ll only date white men? Why? Have you dated/married outside your race? Any interesting stories or lessons learned from that experience? Let’s talk…
Interracial Marriage: Past, Present and Future
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, Demographics and Statistics, Interracial relationships on May 25th, 2010
Why bother talking about race?
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, How to talk about race on May 17th, 2010
I do not claim to be an expert on race relations. I do, however, have some experiences with facilitating difficult conversations about race.
Talking about race can be scary. When considering these conversations we may experience anger, defensiveness, irritation and injury. Anyone participating in a discussion group about race needs to acknowledge and come to terms with its riskiness.
With all of this in mind, you might wonder as my friend Dan did when I told him about my book Let’s Talk about Race: A workbook for safe, honest and productive group discussions. He said, “Why would I want to sit around and talk about race? What are the benefits of doing that?”
The short answer from me was, “How can we eliminate racism and prejudice and move towards reconciliation if we can’t even talk about these issues?”
To me, Dan’s questions seemed rhetorical. What’s the benefit of getting together regularly with a group of friends to discuss past hurts, current challenges and future fears? In our discussion group, we uncovered prejudices, opened up old wounds, supported one another, forgave one another and deepened friendships.
One participant shared his parents’ story about being denied entrance into restaurants or having to go to a different section of the hospital for medical treatment. One friend was ashamed when she told about her father’s racist practices as a white police officer in the 1960s. One disclosed how a group of black men killed his father, and a black man abused his sister. He admitted how it was many years before he saw (or could see) any decency in black men.
Revealing and hearing these stories was painful. But it went beyond just sharing stories. I saw the process of healing as we invited each other to share in our hurt. We developed an increased empathy for others in the group. We were also able to express ourselves in a safe environment. We learned that it’s okay to agree to disagree. We could voice our opinions without fear of retribution or ridicule and we maintained our relationships.
For these reasons, I encourage others to start their own discussions about race. The purpose of the group is not to bash or browbeat others into agreeing with our point of view. The point is to cultivate safe, purposeful discussions where honest views are encouraged.
The ultimate goal of a Let’s Talk group is to foster discussions, increase comfort levels during the discussions and move toward reconciliation. The uneasiness and awkwardness pale in comparison to the opportunity to strengthen our relations and broaden our thinking. The rewards are numerous and life changing.
These are just some of the benefits you may experience from participating in a Let’s Talk group:
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Build a sense of acceptance, belonging and trust
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Realize you are not alone with your struggles with race
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Hear how others deal with and solve their race concerns
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Give and receive feedback on the group sessions
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Identify recurring relationship issues
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Learn to have safe and productive discussions about race and other topics
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Share successes and struggles in “the real world” outside group sessions
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Get encouragement and support from others
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Take responsibility for our own positions regarding race
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See your own successful reconciliation as well as the successes of others
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Discover how others perceive you in conversations
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Practice and learn how to interact with other races
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Learn how to confront and have healthy conflicts
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Understand multiple perspectives about race issues
My desire is that my book will make it easier to initiate those all-important conversations. I hope people pick up Let’s Talk, not just for themselves, but to use with a mixed group of friends and family who meet regularly to talk freely about race. This book can help stimulate new discussions, bring up issues that may lay dormant and help solve problems that before now seemed hopeless.
With Let’s Talk, you have the proactive, practical, simple steps to cultivate a discussion group. The easy to follow workbook format contains everything you need for weekly meetings that inspire open dialogue with friends, family and coworkers.
So, why bother?
For the safety, transparency and healing that will come as a result of the discussions.
What other fears and hesitancies might people experience as a result of conversations about race? Would you bother to have the conversation? Will you order the book, invite a few friends over and start the conversation? Why or why not?
Let’s Talk about Good Hair
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, Current Events, How to talk about race, Media on May 10th, 2010
Have you seen the Good Hair documentary yet? I was on the Deborah Lake show Friday to speak about the movie and it’s implications. It was great to get a variety of perspectives on black hair. Listen live http://www.blogtalkradio.com/all-the-way-in/2010/05/07/good-hair.
What did you think about Good Hair the documentary? Which elements of the film impacted you most? What are you thoughts on the black hair care product industry? Let’s talk…
Reaching Out and Looking In - the key to starting a race discussion
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, How to talk about race on May 3rd, 2010
A while ago a good friend cautioned me that I should probably call the police on my new neighbors, a group of Mexican men who liked to drink beer and listen to loud music in the back yard. I wouldn’t have given her suggestion a second thought except that she didn’t suggest I report them for their music and drinking but because they didn’t speak English well and worked on a nearby military base.
I confronted her about the racism and prejudice in her comment. She argued that we live in a time when we cannot be too careful with foreigners. Later when I asked if she’d be interested in having some targeted discussions about race, she responded, “Oh, I don’t think we need that. I see everyone as the same and there wouldn’t be anything to talk about.”
I’m not sure if my friend was in denial or afraid. Regardless, she was not ready to reach out and have the conversation. And race conversations can’t begin without a willingness to reach out and look in.
My friend had not reached this first stage in the process. She’s still my friend, but we cannot go deeper until she’s at least open to a conversation.
What about you? Are you ready? Reading this post is evidence that you want to reach out. I understand that willingness doesn’t necessarily mean comfortableness, but openness to participating despite the uneasiness.
So what do you say? Invite a friend or two over and start the discussion. Not everyone you invite in will be ready but I promise those who do (and you) will benefit from the process. Be willing to look in and examine some of your own stuff and believe me - we all have stuff.
What should you talk about? Start with what you think of my friend’s comments. How about watching a movie like Crash and having a discussion after? It doesn’t have to be formal, just a few friends having an honest conversation.
If you want to go even deeper my book is a workbook that offers ten weeks of targeted discussion material. Go for it and let me know how it goes.
My friend wasn’t ready, but I hope you are. (By the way, I ended up befriending the Mexican neighbors and having a beer with them.) Will you reach out and look in? Why or why not? Let’s talk…
